This is the scariest post I’ve ever written, and not something I would normally share, but here goes….

I assume most people would look at me and what I do in this world and think, ‘She must have great self-love and self-confidence!”

And you’d be partly right!

Self-confidence I have in spades. Courage, I have buckets of. But self-love and self-worth have eluded me for as long as I can remember.

So whilst I have the courage to stand on a stage and speak to a crowded audience, the voice inside my head is telling me that no one wants to hear what I have to say and that I should hurry and stop talking (that was on a nice day).

Once, that voice even said that I should never open my mouth to speak in public again. Ever.

And it wasn’t that long ago that I had a very frank and somber discussion with myself about whether that particular day, should indeed be the last day that I spend on this Earth.

The journey back to happiness since that night, has been hellish at best. In fact, I was asked recently to name the most difficult moment in my life, and I answered: 2015.

For me, self-love and self-worth got lost somewhere along the journey that is life, through all the perceived failures and the seemingly unsuccessful relationships.

I had to re-teach myself how to love myself again. By making small daily changes, by creating games and “happiness hacks’; and by being diligently conscious of, and responsible for, the way I think, the way I feel and the way I act.

So earlier this year, when I looked in the mirror and every cell in my body cheered ‘fuck I love you!!!”, I thought I would celebrate how far I’d come, with my own private ceremony…which I’ve now decided to share with you, in the hope that this helps someone else on their journey.

I’ve been holding onto this video for a while now, and I’m still unsure how comfortable I feel about sharing it.   Please take a moment to really hear this message for yourself. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, the message is still for you.

MASSIVE THANKYOUs to everyone involved in the making of:

Videographer : Grant Dowling  and Hair: Franck-Provost and Nails: Blonde Ambition and Dress: Sabo Formal, shop my dress here 

And the biggest thank you to the beautiful team at Secrets Shhh for my incredible engagement ring that serves as a daily reminder of my commitment to self and raises my vibration every time I look at it!  You can shop my exact ring, here, I got a large brilliant cut halo in white gold.